A Response by Sef Salem
To whom it may concern,
In 2017 I was married and had an affair with Georgia van Raalte. The end of my marriage is not the topic of discussion today. This affair was neither the first nor the last, but it did end my life as I knew it, and un-made the person I had become by this point.
I had the best of intentions in forming a relationship with Georgia, but unfortunately my actions did not meet that standard and I failed her. We met at the Occult Conference that Spring, communicated for a few months, and then met regularly over the next year. She became an initiate of O.T.O. and a member of the body in Glastonbury, and we engaged in a relationship that revolved around magical discussions and operations with a hefty amount of drinking and hedonism. After one such occasion I made a choice to confront the alcohol component of our interactions and our relationship improved for most of its duration - although I was unaware of the emotional hurt I was causing her along the way - and we were seen out together by friends and brethren. I ended the affair terribly, asking her to wait while I made one last-ditch attempt to save my marriage, which was ultimately futile; but by then the damage was done. I had no idea that I would soon after be accused of rape, which came as a complete shock to me.
I have had a lot of time to reflect on the years before I was un-made. The deepest, most terrible weight was laid upon me - that I had so terribly hurt one I loved so deeply, that she accused me of the most terrible of crimes - and it did not let up. I asked myself, How could I have done such a thing? Did she truly believe that? and I realised that I was not a good person.
These words were sent to me just before my world fell apart:
“Hey Sef. I will write to you in full before the end of today. I’m struggling to put it down in words but I want to do my utmost to explain everything to you. I know Marco is meeting an interventor tomorrow; I don’t know if he plans to make a formal complaint.
…
“So, I wrote the article. And Marco came to visit. And we are sitting, and discussing the article. And he says to me, I am surprised that you didn’t talk about you and Sef. And I said no, and tried to explain that the relationship between you and I was different. And the more I tried to explain why it was different, the more incensed Marco became, saying that I was making excuses for behaviour that was unacceptable - the same behaviour I just publicly called out other Brothers for. And I tried to explain again, that although some bad things had happened between us, there was lots of good too. And I kept trying to explain why our relationship isn't abusive, a really unpleasant thought began to dawn on me. Why was I making excuses for your behaviour? Why was I so insistent that this was different?
…
“And I told Marco this story, and I tried to explain the complexity of our relationship, and the more I tried to explain the more convinced he became that this was abusive, that my constantly making excuses for your behaviour, my deep sympathy with you - that these were signs of my fascination by you, and that I was excusing inexcusable things. And he has decided to speak to people, regardless of my opinion. And I'm still not sure what I think. I honestly don't know. I've never felt in a more difficult situation in my life. Which is hardly much solace to you right now, but I am just trying to be as honest as I can.”
- Georgia van Raalte, Facebook Message, 4th February 2018
There is clear coercion and manipulation, by Georgia’s then-partner. He chose to go to the OTO after convincing her that she had been raped, despite all of the complexities of the relationship and her documented blanket consent, who rightly refused to act until Georgia made her own complaint some weeks later. The message was over 2,000 words of back and forth with herself as she struggled to justify my behaviour as it was then, the positive experiences and love in our relationship, her attitudes towards both, and what she would write next in the face of her partner’s rage.
As a result of that writing, I have had to confront my behaviour, and look at my actions in my affair leading up to this accusation. I have seen the hurt I caused to my then-wife, my other partners, and the friends and magical colleagues who were regularly caught in the cross-fire. I have tried to make apologies where I can, but the obliteration of my social status barred me from even approaching people to apologise on many occasions. Most of all, I have come to understand how much I hurt Georgia and why she felt she had to try to control the narrative before it was taken from her, even with the implications of making a deeply private matter incredibly public.
I now have friends in recovery programmes, and making reparations must surely be the hardest step. How can you say sorry for years of pain caused by unthinking and careless behaviour? Further, when I was accused, the horrible story bled over on to others close to me, with many being labelled enablers or sympathisers merely for keeping an open mind or asking my side of the story, or the happenstance of their relation to me.
I chose not to give my side of the story publicly; not just because it could not have saved me, but also had I railed and ranted against my accuser, whom I still loved, I could only have dragged her down with me. I also chose every day not to hate Georgia, because that would not achieve anything, and would betray the genuine love I had felt for her. So I was silent and retreated first from public life, and then from myself. This was a very dark time for me; my marriage finally dissolved, and in the process of being un-made I was suicidal for a time.
I have literally had my life saved by stalwart friends whom I can never repay, some of whom by rights should have abandoned me. I went to therapy, and made Mercurial offerings of Stupid Questions Tarot every Wednesday. I have built myself back from a place of personal oblivion into the person I wanted to be, or an approximation thereof - a work in progress for sure. I have worked hard to be of service to the occult community, to answer when called, and to make the world a better place. I have done all this whilst obscured, without hope for reward or recognition, and I ask for nothing now - it was good for the soul to do good for its own sake. My point is, I am no longer the person who fell from a great height, but I am willing to answer for those actions because they were still mine.
The crushing weight was lifted suddenly in recent weeks, when Georgia reached out to me again. I was told that the accusation was, in fact, not true. For her to confirm to me that I had not raped her was more than I could ever have hoped for. I awoke the next morning and felt like I could breathe for the first time in five years. There was a fresh day awaiting me, and I sat in a garden and spoke to my closest friends and my hound ran happily around me, and all was right with the world.
Except, it wasn’t. There is still a deep injustice to this. While I firmly believe that I needed to be un-made so that I can today be a better man and an effective magician, there are problems with allowing the narrative to remain unchallenged. I now have opportunities to create something wondrous, which I have been led to by some very real and powerful magick, to benefit the occult community and others further afield. Without the record being set straight this could never happen, and these communal dreams could not become a reality.
Furthermore, my destruction was the foundation of someone else’s rise to prominence, who has gone on to bully and abuse many others. He claims to be the champion of Justice, when in reality he continues to usurp what should always have been a very private matter of a relationship breakdown to gain standing and glory across the community - even when she had wanted it left to history. She was never the patron saint of victims, and he is in no way the white knight. This must end.
I am grateful that Georgia has now published her retraction, and I hope that you will read this as a companion piece to that writing. Another response has been made by her former partner which is factually incorrect, and perverse in its attempts to avoid accountability; I have outlined my grounds for stating this above. Even now he is trying to disavow working for five years to destroy me, and denying the works I had accomplished beforehand in building both the OTO and the Occult Conference in Glastonbury. Having been there at the time and then endured his relentless attacks on my character, I will not let it lie.
You will hopefully have come to understand my position over the past five years, why I did not deny or defend myself, and why I still feel responsible for my actions. More than anything else, I ask you to be kind to her, and forgive her choices which were made under duress and coercion, borne of the very real hurt that I caused her. I make no excuses - Georgia is responsible for accusing me of rape, and she has now apologised and made it clear that accusation was not true. Surely if I can forgive her, you can too; if there is a path to rehabilitation and redemption for me then I would want this for her in time as well. This should always have been a private matter between us; please allow it to become private now it is ended.
- Sef Salem, 22nd August 2023
